Locked Heart
by Crystaline-Dragon
Summary: My first piece of fanfiction. Tifa thinking after Meteor its a oneshot R&R please


Disclamer: I don't own it. I only wish I did  
  
It was over and Tifa supposed she ought to be celebrating with the others downstairs in the inn even Vincent, tired of being badgered incessantly by Yuffie and Cait Sith, had agreed to take part. After all Meteor had been stopped by a combination of Holy and the Lifestream following Sephiroth's death in the Northern Crater.  
  
Reeve through his link with Cait had informed them that thanks to the Lifestream's intervention most of Midgar's population had survived Holy's battle with Meteor but they were for the moment trapped within the city walls due to the power failing and disabling the electronic locking systems on the gates. So once the temporary repairs on the Highwind were complete Avalanche were going to aid in the evacuation of Midgar. Once darkness had fallen however Cid had come up with the oh so brilliant idea that they should all get together to '..have a little party to celebrate saving the world'.  
  
In fact the whole of Kalm seemed to be joining in Cid's little party, which had rapidly grown, judging from the noise outside the window, in to a town- wide celebration that was still underway and yet all she felt was emptiness. So she had quietly excused herself and now here she was sitting alone and miserable in a cheap hotel room, listening to everyone else's happiness and wondering what the hell was wrong with her.  
  
Sighing Tifa stood and started to undress, there was no use lying to herself the reason for her misery was etched into her mind; Cloud's voice "..perhaps I can find her there". The words that had shattered her hopes as the realization that despite everything she had done: staying with him through his coma, piecing his mind back together in the madness of the Lifestream and trying to show him her feelings that Cloud loved Aeris and would always do so.  
  
"I almost wish I could hate her" Tifa spoke to her reflection in the mirror knowing she could never do that. Aeris had been her first close female friend since Nibelhiem. "Why did you have to die? If you hadn't I could have stood a chance." except she wouldn't have, Aeris had loved Cloud as much as he still loved her. 'It was no wonder he chose Aeris though' she thought as she removed her top. 'Aeris was perfect whereas I.'. Tifa broke off mid thought as her eyes were drawn involuntarily to the scar she hated before covering it with her arm.  
  
It was the reason she always wore t-shirts or sweaters, never anything revealing. Jessie had tried to get her to wear other things when they had first met, telling her she had a great body and should show it off until she had seen it. Tifa remembered the look of mingled horror and pity Jessie had given her. They had never spoken of it again and now Jessie was dead just like everyone else she had ever cared for.  
  
She took her arm away and forced herself to look. The wound Sephiroth had given her had not healed cleanly. Indeed she had been ill for months and had almost died due to infections and blood poisoning. The skin around the area was still tender even five years after the initial injury and the scar itself was a ridge of tight-knotted tissue. It had been a miracle she survived.  
  
Tifa stared wordlessly until her vision blurred and she cursed weakly as her hands wiped away the salty wetness that filled her eyes 'Aeris was perfect whereas I am not' she said angrily as the tears refused to stop.  
  
Finally she broke down and wept, staggering blindly to the bed, choking on her sobs as she tried to stifle them. She wept as she had never allowed herself to do before; for Nibelhiem, for her father and for the girl she had been before Masamune's sharp blade had ended that chapter of her life. Tifa continued to cry until she couldn't anymore, even then her breathing was harsh and hiccupping. Gasping she tried to control herself. Before now the tears had never come, there had only been the pain she had learned to live with and hide with a smile.  
  
Perhaps it had been seeing Sephiroth die or realizing that Cloud too was lost to her, if not to death as with everyone else but the memory of a flower girl that had released the long withheld grief.  
  
Now the tears had come and gone but the pain was still there. It always would be. In the morning she would don her mask of cheerful happiness again and no one would guess at the pain inside her locked heart but tonight when everyone else rejoiced she would have her time to grieve.  
  
Author Notes: So this is my first attempt at actually writing fan fiction. Its probably been done before but please review and let me know if its any good. 


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